dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize