So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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