Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
