i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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