The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
