I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
