she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
