..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
