recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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