Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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