But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
