i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
