So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
