Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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