Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
