i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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