Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize