Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize