alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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