grandma shit on top of the toilet
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
