Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
