i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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