Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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