i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
