i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
