Apparently you make a good broom.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
