you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just found puke in my bra..
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
