Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
