Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
