My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
