Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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