im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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