If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
