why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
