What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
