I wish I could punch you in the face.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
