the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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