I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize