Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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