You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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