proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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