if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
