she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize