Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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