I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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