Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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