dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
