i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
