Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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