Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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