We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
