we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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