Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
