I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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