never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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