The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
