you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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