This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
