By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
