I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
