This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
