that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
What a dumb baby whore.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
