dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
