I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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