My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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