This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
