My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Randomize