I wish my penis had an off switch
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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