____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
