Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
