Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Sry I called you an 8
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize