Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
