I CAN MOONWALK!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
