last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
