he was CRYING into my vagina
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
