We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm passing your future prison.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
