Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
