I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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